What is your Emperor wearing?
I was talking to some colleagues recently about how we use language and the effect that it has on the recipient. They reminded me about a popular workshop I’ve run a few times on criticism and how to manage how you feel as the recipient. However good your team are, there are some roles where criticism is more likely, deserved or not, and so it’s worth remembering that criticism is nothing more than feedback with poor dress sense!

It led on to a conversation about ‘leadership language’. I recall my first few weeks in a new senior role and feeling a little like an imposter, still working out quite was expected of me. There was a peer that had been in their role quite some time and, I’m not sure if you have met someone similar, used to speak up in every meeting, apparently very knowledgeably, and whilst I understood each of the words, I never really understood quite what he was talking about! For a while I thought that was what was expected and knew it was not something I was going to be able to do - he truly was an expert. After a little while I realised that smoke and mirrors was not what was actually required, what people really wanted was authenticity, integrity and the ability to deliver.
The trouble is that leadership roles still have more than their fair share of people who get by on words alone. Often it is the tale of the Emperors new clothes. Dressing built on nothing more than a hope that no-one will call out the truth. Sometimes we don’t wish to appear stupid, to be the one person in the room who cannot find the substance behind the words. Remember you are not alone, people are just waiting for someone else to speak up first. Sometimes we cannot find the kind way to say what needs to be said. When people are concerned about sharing 'negative' feedback they often describe it to themselves as 'conflict' and most of us prefer to avoid conflict if we can. So its worth reflecting on what is kinder - allowing someone to continue along a negative path or realising that speaking up allows them to make a choice about whether to change. None of us truly know how we are received by others without feedback.
The tale of the Emperor and his new clothes is about how vanity can get in our way of reality. The Emperor wanted to avoid appearing stupid when he could not see the invisible clothes, and by covering that with a position of power, went on to really show us how pride comes before the fall. So when you encounter a leader who explains their vision, but those around them are unable to see clearly how this will be achieved, are they simply proud and stupid? No, of course not (well not all of them anyway!). Some people talk in a more 'global' or general way, whilst others tend to go into much greater detail. Like so many things its a sliding scale. And the more you find yourself comfortable towards one end of this scale, the harder you find it to communicate with someone at the other end of the scale. Good leaders need to be able to talk about the big picture, and great leaders need to be flexible enough to also describe some of the details within that if they want to take everyone with them.
If you work with someone who is struggling to explain beyond the big picture, rather than becoming frustrated ask some clarifying questions. Can they give you an example of how that will work? What would another example be? And specifically what do they want from you in the context of this vision? Are there any barriers that they envisage? What are the boundaries - lines they don't want crossed? How will they know things are progressing they way they expect?
If your leader is truly an 'Emperor' in disguise, rather than simply a 'global speaker', it will quickly become apparent when they are unable to answer the clarifying questions. Global speakers simply need a little help to add in detail, and the questions are a welcome way to do this. 'Emperors' lack the substance behind the words, and find the questions too difficult to answer. They may express their frustration through expressions such as 'its the only game in town' or 'I'm not sure why you don't understand this already'. You'll know a true Emperor when they ask you to do the seemingly impossible because they have already promised you will!
Back all of those years ago, I realised I was not an imposter just because I heard my colleague talk in a way that I received as 'waffle'. I also recognised it didn't mean the words were without substance. Start by assuming the best, work with them, and ask questions to support your understanding. And consider it a kindness to point out that they are about to ride through the city naked before they actually do it!
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