I know you can, but...

What is stopping you making life easier?

I've been doing some decorating lately. As a child my dad taught me how to hang wallpaper and so when the task arises I get on with it. It can be fiddly but its not a complicated task. I got everything ready, came up with a plan and made a start. It was a photo wallpaper that I'd commissioned from a local photographer that came with a 'plan'. It was only one wall, and only 3 strips of rather wide wallpaper. How hard can it be?

The plan just appeared to be 3 bits of paper taped together with a number at the top that corresponds with the strips of wallpaper so you know the order to hang them. Up went the first strip with the anticipated trimming at top and bottom, no problem. As I looked at the second strip, and back at the wall, I realised how much wider the strips were than the dimensions I'd given. But my brain still didn't connect that piece of information with the plan. Not until I came to hang strip two and realised that the strips are designed to overlap so you have to match the picture, not the edges of the paper. A couple of deep breaths later and I'd managed to find the matching bushes, river and dry stone walls!

But strip 3 went across the light switch. Now if you are measuring edge to edge, no problem, but of course this paper is designed to overlap. Hmmm possible on my own, but an extra pair of hands was definitely going to make things easier, wasn't it? Now its not often I ask my husband for help (I'm an independent sort) but this was the right time to summon assistance. At this point its worth explaining we are quite different in many ways. Both problem solvers, we invariably come up with different ways of doing something. Its not about better or worse, right or wrong, just different. And we communicate differently. I'm quite used to translating what he says into what he meant - for example: where's the banana? Hanging on the key rack where I tidied them. We both knew he was looking for his car keys, and words don't always provide true meaning (join one of my courses to learn how to translate). But this was a time for clarity.

We discussed a plan - his was different to mine! Having decided I wanted help it made sense to realise that listening to his plan was a good idea. It was not how I had wanted to do it, but both plans were workable. And we both understood his plan, so that was what we did. And the result is above -satisfyingly still on the wall!

Communication is far more than words. Its words that you both share an understanding of, even when others may not. Its the context, intent, and shared connection. The plan is less about right and wrong, but rather recognising that there is often more than one way to achieve the aim. As long as you agree on the final outcome, different options will emerge, and disagreeing which route to take simply serves to ensure the outcome is never achieved. Better to listen to options, and choose to agree. In fact different options constructively discussed, with curiosity, lead to the best choices. They lead you to recognise things you would otherwise have failed to take into account.

And seeking help is not about whether you can do something yourself or not. Its about recognising that involving someone else can lead to better outcomes, less frustration, and greater success. I value my independence, and my ability to solve problems for myself. And I am not diminished when I reach out because I've realised involving others is even better. Seeking help is not about failing, its about recognising how to succeed. Whatever you are struggling with alone right now, ask yourself what is stopping you reaching out. Whether you reach out to a colleague, a friend or family member, even a stranger at the end of a helpline, there is no need to struggle on alone. Choose to reach out.

(Oh and if you want to examine the final 'wall' you can always book a coaching or hypnotherapy session with us)